How to Be a White Person in China

As if foreigners don't stick out enough in China, here are some things you can do to make sure everyone around you knows you're not Chinese.  (Non-white people can do these things too.)

 

1. Wear a sweatshirt/hoodie or just dress like a scrub in general
Explanation: People generally dress nicer here.  Hoodies are almost unheard of.

 

2. Walk around outside in the sun without a parasol

Explanation: It's rare to find a Chinese woman walking around in the sun without a parasol.  I've only seen one man carrying one, so I guess this is just for the ladies.
 

3. Let everyone skip you in line

Explanation: When we first got here, we would often get skipped in line (particularly at McDonald's) because we were giving too much space between us and the people in front of us.  It was just normal personal space to us, but I guess to them it looks like we're not in line.
 

4. Wait for an opening in traffic before walking into the street

Explanation: People tend to just walk into oncoming traffic and expect the cars to work around them.  It's pretty annoying because we try to wait for an opening in traffic before making our move, but cars will slow down in anticipation of you jumping out in front of them, and sometimes that closes the gap in traffic and your lose your chance.
 

5. Buy lots of soda and chocolate in one trip

Explanation: Although soda and chocolate are available here, Chinese people tend to buy green tea, flavored milk, and other weird drinks.  Also, people don't really have sweet tooths here.  Chocolate is not the go-to dessert like it is in America.
 

6. Wear shoes in your apartment

Explanation: No one is going to see this unless you invite them in, but still.  If they saw, they would think you are filthy.  And definitely don't wear your shoes in THEIR apartment.
 

7. Take the stairs when there's an escalator or elevator available

Explanation: It never fails.  At the airport or train station, the escalators are always packed and the stairs are free and open.  If you need to get somewhere fast, take the stairs.
 

8. Say hello to all the live seafood at the grocery store

Explanation: The grocery store is not a pet store.
 

9. Awkwardly avoid eye contact with looky-loos
Explanation: I think I've covered this one before.  People stare and they don't give a crap.  If you give a crap, you must be foreign.

 

10. Sit one seat away from a stranger instead of right next to them

Explanation: It's that personal space thing again!
 

11. At a restaurant, order lots of meat dishes and fried rice

Explanation: A typical Chinese meal consists of about 60% vegetables, 30% meat, and 10% what the heck is that???  And sometimes the meat and the what the heck is that are one in the same.  Fried rice is considered a breakfast food.  Who knew???
 

12. Tell people you don't like Karaoke

Explanation: As I've mentioned before, Karaoke is one of the very few things people do for fun in China.  I haven't met a single Chinese person who doesn't like it.
 

13. Talk about American football

Explanation: You will get blank stares.  You should talk about the NBA instead.
 

14. Buy cheese (if you can find it)

Explanation: All cheese is imported, so it's rare and expensive.
 

15. Engage in public displays of affection

Explanation: I've seen couples holding hands.... but that's about it.
 

16. Try to tip waiters

Explanation: Rookie mistake!
 

17. Utterly fail at grabbing noodles with chopsticks

Explanation: I'm pretty good at chopsticks now, but I still can't grab slippery noodles out of a soup to save my life. 
 

18. Squat with your heels lifted off the ground (bad form, don't you know)
Explanation: The squat is the go-to position to be in when you're hanging around and there isn't a chair available.  You need to do it with your heels down, or you'll ruin your knees.  Adam still can't do it right.

19. Walk your dog on a leash
Explanation: Most people walk their dogs off leash and sometimes they are well trained but sometimes they are not!  And Smudgie doesn't appreciate sneak attack butt sniffs.

20. Say "thank you" to everyone all the time, especially to your taxi driver
Explanation: In China, saying "thank you" is something that should be saved for when someone really helps you out.  Not for when people are just doing their job, such as a waiter bringing your food for a taxi driver dropping you off.  But we say it anyway!!

 

Last Morning in Rui'an

We're leaving Rui'an today because Smudgie needs to be in Shanghai for a while to get his paperwork in order.  So I thought I'd go around taking pictures of the area like I should have been doing this whole time.  Enjoy!

This is part of the town square

 

Old people play a balancing game as part of their morning routine.  Each is balancing a small ball on their little racquet and as they move it around, they have to keep the ball from falling.

 

Tai Chi group - I'm trying to be inconspicuous as I'm taking pictures of people, hence, the bush.

 

There's a bridge that goes over the road.  I usually take the bridge instead of trying to cross the street.  This is the view from one side.

 

This is the view facing the other way.

 

On the other side of the bridge, is more town square.  There are 8 statues with different carvings on them.  I only took pictures of a couple of them.  They're not that interesting.

 

This is the long sidewalk I use to walk back home from the grocery store. 

 

I had a lot of different pictures of different vehicles in China and I thought it would have made a very interesting blog post, but my computer died (completely) so I lost all those pictures.  I thought I would take this picture today to show you what Dreamer called a "bread car".  So called, for it's bread loaf-like shape.  It looks like a van, but it's smaller than a minivan in the US.  

 

This is just a cool tree they recently planted in our apartment complex.

 

 

Smudgie licking his bone

We won't really miss Rui'an.  It was horribly hot here and Adam's job sucked.  Smudgie did like the open grass area that allowed him to be off leash sometimes.  But Smudgie's opinion doesn't matter.  There's a dog park in Wilmington, so hopefully we get to go there often.  Goodbye, Rui'an!  I will only miss Do & Me.  But I figured out I can probably make my own Do & Me at home by ordering KFC extra crispy drumsticks, stripping the meat off the bones and putting it on a sesame seed bun. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. 

I Have a Chinese (Boy)Friend

As I was taking Smudgie outside before bed on Monday night, a guy approached me and asked if we could be friends so he could practice English.  I said sure, but we're only going to be here for another two weeks.  We exchanged phone numbers and he called me the next day.  It was around 11 so he invited me over for lunch and then to go see Pacific Rim afterwards.

 

I knew he was Christian as soon as I walked up to his door because there was a calendar with a cross on it on the wall outside his apartment.  Before we ate lunch, he clasped his hands to pray and asked me if I was Christian.  Normally I wear my atheism like a badge of honor, but when he asked me, for some reason I just felt so shitty having to tell him no.  I suppose I could have just lied, but oh well.  I told him that I used to be when I was a kid, but not anymore and I think that perplexed him because he asked me about it again later.  It's hard to explain the complexities behind why I don't believe in God to someone who doesn't understand English fully.  Especially someone from China who has probably never been taught that it's ok to question authority.  I just told him that I grew up and decided it wasn't for me.  That probably blew his mind.   

 

After lunch, he took me into his room and proceeded to close the door.  I thought, "Hmmm that's a little risqué, isn't it?"  But then I realized it's because he wanted to turn the air conditioner on.  Haha.  He looked for a way to buy the movie tickets online but there was no option for the Rui'an theatre.  So he ended up walking there to get them while I hung out in his room (it was so hot outside he didn't want me to endure the heat with him).  I wondered to myself, "Is this what it's like to date a Chinese guy?"  I'm talking about Chinese the nationality, not the ethnicity.  I've already dated one American Chinese guy, and he never would have walked 20 minutes in 95 degree heat for me.  Ha!  Jon, if you're reading this... you know it's true. 

 

Anyways, he then proceeded to show me his entire collection of Christian music videos.  I'm not kidding.  He's seriously into this music.  And some of it was pretty good, like if you changed out the lyrics, they would be really good songs.  But a lot of it was like, vacation bible school stuff.  Kids singing with hand gestures and everything.  And he loves it!  I'll bet he listens to it all the time.  We sat there and watched Christian music videos for an hour and 15 minutes, then thankfully it was time to go to the movie.  I can't believe a grown man (he's 24) has this stuff on his computer. 

 

Here's my review of Pacific Rim.  It's like Real Steel meets Godzilla x10.  The script isn't great, but the monster action is phenomenal and more than makes up for any shortcomings in acting and storytelling.  It's the only movie I've seen in 3D that I actually thought was better because of the 3D.  My nose hurt afterwards, though, because the glasses were heavy and it's 2 hours and 10 minutes long.  Chinese movie theatres are pretty much the same as American ones.  They're a little smaller, but the seats are the same.  There are no previews or advertisements beforehand, so you gotta show up on time!

 

After the movie, I was ready to just go home, but the Rui'an museum is right next to the movie theatre so he suggested we go there.  We explored the first floor and then I said I have to go home and start making dinner.  I don't know if he's going to want to get together every day for the next 10 days, but I wouldn't be surprised if he does.  I'm just so glad we're leaving soon.  I don't know how much more Christian music I can endure.

Uncharacteristically Optimistic

Remember when I said I just might get out of China without contracting any weird diseases? Well, two weeks ago I got pink eye for the first time in my life.  This picture is from day 1. 

 

Look at those unruly eyebrows! 

 

It actually was more like "red eye" on day 2 but I failed to get a picture of that. I called it my "dragon eye".  Where I got it, I have no idea. But it was a really mild case. I guess pink eye is supposed to itch and burn but mine didn't. I did have the obligatory "eye glued shut" in the morning for a couple of days, but the goo went away pretty quickly. I just got some regular eye drops from the pharmacy, and I'm not sure whether they actually helped or whether the pink eye went away on its own. Whatever happened, I'm pretty proud of myself because not only did I NOT infect Adam, but I didn't even let it spread to my other eye. Boo-yah! Hygiene! And disinfectant.

 

 

Smudgie, we just discovered, has tapeworms. Or a tapeworm. I don't know, apparently dog tapeworms have segments and the segments break off and you can see them in the poop and sometimes I find them on his butthole right after he poops. They don't seem to be causing him any discomfort, which is good, because we can't take him to the vet until Friday. Some American people are visiting Adam's plant this week and Vivian is the only translator so she can't come with us to the vet while they're here.

 

 

Other than that, life has been pretty smooth sailing since we got back. There was no poop water on the floor when we returned. And lo and behold, Rui'an isn't a rainforest anymore. The only rain we've had was when the typhoon came through, and it really wasn't that bad. It has, however, been unbearably hot. I go to the grocery store as soon as it opens at 8:00am so I don't have to go during the day. And even then, when I leave at 8:20, it's so much hotter already. But sometimes it's nice in the shade.  Here is Smudgie playing outside:

 

 

Smudgie likes the new food I bought him (Taste of the Wild) and he eats it without me having to say "Eat your food" sternly while pointing at the bowl. I'm glad he doesn't have to eat that Pedigree crap anymore. Only one more month and we'll be in Shanghai hanging out, while Smudgie gets his paperwork in order. Also, I've lost 7 lbs of "America weight" already. Although what's going to stop me from buying cake at the Giant when we get back??? Ummmmmm I don't know. :) I mean, we have to celebrate our triumphant return, right??

Who'd Like to Hear Me Complain??

Sorry for the lack of blogs, but nothing has been going on here. It rains all the time and we're both kind of suffering from seasonal depression. That's right, seasonal depression in the summer time. I'm supposed to fit into a size 2 dress for Adam's brother's wedding but I'm just not motivated to workout when it's raining all the goddamn time. The sun comes out about 5 times a month, and even though I can do strength training indoors, I'm not going out running in the rain. I'm just not. The puddles are ridiculous. China hasn't figured out how to make streets and walkways slightly rounded in the center so the rain drains away. Instead, they're incredibly uneven so puddles are everywhere. Also, the walkways are crap and full of loose pavers that store water under them and when you step on them unsuspectingly, they rock and water shoots out and gets all over your legs and shoes. We're so ready to come home it's not even funny. Less than a week until we're in the States again!

We were just discussing this morning how everything in China is just a little bit crappier. It's not so bad at first, but over time it really wears on you. When you wince as you go to open a new orange juice because you're not sure if the top is going to unscrew properly or not, that's when you just can't wait to get back home. Here's a picture of a brand new orange juice:

 

 

The screw top has this stupid mechanism inside that's supposed to puncture the box as you open it for the first time. And first of all, when it works correctly, the result looks like this:

 

There's barely any space for the orange juice to come out and it comes out all GLUG GLUG GLUG and splashes everywhere. Most of the time we have to poke a hole in the box to let air out so it flows better and then tape the hole closed when not in use. But this morning, instead of doing that, the whole top came off as Adam unscrewed it. So now there's just a hole in the box and it glugs out even worse. Also, we have to keep it closed with a wadded up piece of papertowel:

 

*sigh* Did I ever tell you that one of our toilet seats broke the very first week after we moved in and we've just been living with it ever since? It cracked into a bunch of jagged pieces because it's just made out of cheap plastic and I tried to glue and tape it back together. It sort of serves its purpose still but sometimes the jagged pieces poke you in the butt.

 

 

We would gladly fix it ourselves but where do you buy a replacement toilet seat in China? They don't have Home Depot. Also, the lightbulbs in our bedroom burnt out and we can't replace them without involving Vivian because the RT-Mart doesn't carry the correct size replacement bulbs. We'd rather not bother anybody so we're just going to live without light in the bedroom for the rest of our time here. Our landlord is going to think we're pretty inconsiderate, leaving the place in shambles but honestly I don't care. I'm sure she'd rather fix a few minor things once we move out, than have to come over here everytime we have a problem.  I could go on about how one of our TWO burners has decided to stop working so now I can only cook with one... but I think I'm done.  I'm done! 

I Got Tested For Lead Poisoning!

Don't worry, I'm fine. I decided to get the test done for several reasons. It all started when they painted the trunks of the trees outside our apartment. I guess it's supposed to prevent sun scald or protect them from bugs or something. But the first thing that came to my mind was that there's probably lead in that paint. There might not be, but I have to assume there is because this is China. Normally I wouldn't pay it any mind but Smudgie likes to pee on trees. And when he does, his fluffy fur brushes against them and sometimes little particles of paint brush off onto him. And I spend a lot of time with my face in his fur so I was little concerned. So I went online to research lead poisoning in China and I came across this article that talked about how rampant lead poisoning still was here. It's in the soil, it's in the plumbing, it's in the paint, and not only that, but the Chinese government's definition of a "safe" level of lead is much higher than the rest of the world's. So even when they do restrict lead use, it's still not safe. I don't really worry about the paint in our apartment, even though there are a few places that look like this:

 

 

As long as I don't go around licking the walls I'll be fine. But I am worried about the water. The plumbing might be soldered with lead so it could be in the water. In Huainan, we drank mostly bottled water but since moving to Rui'an, we've been boiling tap water and putting it through a little Brita pitcher filter. But I don't think the one we have is made for filtering lead. The package says it'll reduce copper, cadmium, and mercury, but no mention of lead. And I just read that boiling the water, if it has lead in it, actually makes the lead content higher because some of the water will boil away but the lead remains. Paranoid? Perhaps. But I've since switched to drinking bottled water again.

 

I figured it would be cheaper to get the test done in China than in America, since Adam's dental work last year ended up being half the cost even without insurance. If we were to get it done in America, it might not even be covered by our insurance since it's not a routine test. Plus, it gives us an excuse to have an adventure. And an adventure we did have!

 

The hospital

Vivian enlisted some family members to help guide us through the process. She drove us to the Rui'an People's Hospital, then handed the car over to her brother to drive it around because there was no place to park at all. Then we met her aunt, who took us inside. There were just swarms of people. It really was like being in a subway or train station.

 

The first step was to get a "Health Card". You put money on the card, then you can pay for services throughout the hospital with it. And you have to do it this way so they can charge you 2 RMB for the card. You just fill out a form:

 

 

Then get in line:

 

Vivian's aunt put up the front money because we didn't know how much the test would cost.  She put 500 RMB on the card so I started thinking this might cost the same as it would in America.  Well, it ended up being 27 RMB which is about $4.30. Can you believe that?! That's like a big bag of rice. Wow! I paid her back for the cost of the test and she'll be able to use that card or take the remaining money off of it later. Then we made our way through the hoards of people to the second floor. I was ushered into this lab which was right behind these counters where people were lining up. There were big glass windows in front of them (like a train ticket counter) so the people who were in line got to watch me get my blood drawn. That was pretty weird, and a big difference from America where everything is done in private rooms. Also, they didn't even give me a place to sit, I just stood there while the tech stuck me and filled a whole vile of my blood. Then when it was over, he gave me a q-tip soaked with iodine to press onto the spot to stop the bleeding. No bandaid or anything.

 

I just had to walk out of the hospital with my arms like that the whole way. He said it would take 4 working days to do the test so Vivian's aunt said she would pick my results up for me since she lives near the hospital. So there's obviously no doctor-patient confidentiality here. I don't mind, of course, it's not a super secret! So anyways, I found out today my blood lead level is 1.7 μg/dL which is well below the "you're not poisoned" limit of 9 μg/dL.  Woohoo!!  I just might make it out of China without contracting any weird diseases!  Just a few more months to go!

 

Smudgie being fat:

 

KTV, Cake, and Utter Sadness

Smudgie and Adam turned another year older in March. Smudgie's birthday was rather uneventful, except for this special treat:

 

 

For Adam's birthday, his work friends threw him a party at a local KTV. Go figure, right? That's the only thing they have for fun around here, it seems. Can you tell how much I love KTVs? Well the only thing I loved about this one was the name of the place:

 

We've walked by this building before, marveling at the name and wondering what kind of "recreation" goes on within. I'm kind of sad the mystery is gone. I think this was my 3rd KTV and it was the worst in terms of English song choice. There were also like 18 people there so most of the night was spent listening to people singing badly in Chinese. I also cannot stress enough how bad Chinese cake is. They ordered him a cake from a local bakery and it was just slathered in fruit. Fruit all over the top of it, fruit all over the inside. And of course, the icing was whipped cream.

 

 

 

I tried to eat the cake part of it but it had soaked up so much fruit juice it wasn't good. It did have a thin wall of chocolate going around the outside, which I snagged several pieces of. This isn't the first cake we've tried here, so I'm not judging all of China by this one cake. This is a picture of Adam's birthday cake from last year (given to him by his Huainan work friends):

 

Not so much fruit, but the icing is whipped cream and those black things in the middle are raisins.  We also bought a little cake from a different bakery in Huainan on our own.  It had a chocolate outside so we gambled on it.  But it had vanilla cake and a thin layer of fruit filling on the inside.  Blech.

TERRIBLE NEWS NOW: Do & Me is closed.  We tried to go there yesterday and the place was all locked up and the signs were taken down.  Just the other week, they were hiring!  This poster was up on the window the last time we were there:

 

 

Yeah, I'm sure it's a great job.  It's so great they couldn't find anybody willing to work there and now it's closed.  :(  It's probably for the best since it's time for me to start dieting and now I have no more temptation.  But it was my favorite place in all of China!  Now I really do want to come home.  There is nothing left for me here (dramatic sigh). 

One thing that does lighten the mood is this fish that has been laying on this support beam for at least a month. As far as I can tell, it hasn't decomposed at all. Why haven't any birds eaten it either? Guess that shows you just how polluted this river is.  But I won't be seeing it anymore because it was on the way to Do & Me.

 

Here's a picture of Smudgie wearing a cape made out of an old t-shirt: